Episode 301

In this episode of the Unscripted podcast, host Sarah Nicastro welcomes Sara Mueller, an Emotional Intelligence (EQ) Keynote Speaker, Leadership Trainer, and Executive Coach, for a discussion around the misconceptions about EQ, the most common missteps across the four pillars of EQ, and what to do in each pillar that works.

Sara has over 15 years of experience in the field. After transitioning from a successful career in the field service industry, Sarah dedicated herself to exploring EQ and self-mastery, driven by her own journey through burnout and personal challenges. She has worked with Fortune 1000 executives and has published a book on the subject, The Balanced Life Blueprint.

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Episode Highlights:

• [08:45] - Pillar 1: Self-Awareness: Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence and effective leadership. While 95% of people think they're self-aware, research shows only 10-15% actually are. As leaders, our self-awareness often diminishes as we climb higher, making it critical to actively seek feedback from all directions. Expanding our emotional vocabulary is equally vital. Most people can name only three emotions when there are 87 to draw from.
• [18:41] - Pillar 2: Self-Management: While it might not be the flashiest skill, self-management is the foundation for consistent, high performance. It's about making disciplined choices that align with your long-term goals instead of giving in to instant gratification. Often, we know what we should do but don’t follow through because old patterns and thoughts hold us back. The key is catching yourself in those moments, focusing on neutral facts instead of emotional reactions, and creating habits that allow time for what truly matters.
• [26:07] - Pillar 3: Empathy and Others' Awareness: Listening to understand is the cornerstone of empathy and emotional intelligence. As leaders, the instinct to jump in and solve problems can backfire, leaving teams disempowered and innovation stifled. Instead, pause, ask questions, and create space for your team to express themselves and identify root causes. Engaged employees who feel heard are three times more likely to thrive at work.
• [30:33] - Pillar 4: Relationship Management: The glue that ties all pillars of emotional intelligence together, relationship management focuses on inspiring greatness in others rather than leading through fear or authority. It's about creating a culture of respect, tough love, and honest communication, where conflict is embraced as a pathway to innovation and growth. Start by bridging the "delusion gap" in recognition. Regular, specific praise tied to outcomes can be a quick win. Additionally, stop avoiding conflict. Instead, adopt a "me and you versus the problem" mindset, equipping your team with tools to navigate challenges collaboratively and constructively.

Quotes:

• “We're looking at emotions as data. If we're angry about something, that means that we need to maybe put up a boundary, make a change, or take a stand.”
• “We think EQ takes time. We think it takes time to treat our employees well with that recognition. But it's being proactive because if that employee isn't getting that level of care, that human-to-human connection that you're talking about, they're likely gonna leave.”
• “People who have high EQ are 27% more productive than their average EQ counterparts. People who work for a high EQ manager are 50% more inspired, especially in the service industry.”
• “Self-awareness is really understanding and knowing yourself. It's about understanding your values, your strengths, and your weaknesses. It's about having an accurate perception of yourself as a leader.”